Heffners

Back in the summer we had a visit with our friends Ken and Gail Heffner and talked a lot about some of the possibilities for our future. We were still undecided about what was next for us, but we talked about the possibility of being in Grand Rapids, of buying a house, of maybe needing a temporary place to stay. Before we had even made the decision to move, the Heffners had offered that we could stay at their place should the need and situation arise.

I got to know the Heffners during my last few years at Calvin. Ken is the Director of Student Activities at Calvin, and one of his main contributions to Calvin and the Grand Rapids community has been the tremendous quality and quantity of bands and concerts he brings in. He’s also been an important voice in the realm of popular culture and how Christians should enter into it. Gail used to co-direct the Service-Learning Center at Calvin, where I worked my senior year and where I was prepared for the world of non-profits. I first met Ken and Gail through a friend because we were talking about starting an intentional community to live in for our senior year, and we heard that the Heffners had lived in intentional community in Pittsburgh before they moved to Michigan. Through our conversations with them, we eventually asked them to be mentors for our intentional community---committing to meet with us on a regular basis to talk through whatever issues came up, to give us guidance as we formed this new community. Pamoja was the name of our house…there were 6 of us living together, eating together, carpooling together, trying to know each other and love each other in an intentional way. The Heffners helped us tremendously through that process. I only lived at Pamoja for my senior year…but the cool thing is, it’s still going on! I think they are in their 11^th year….and the Heffners are still their mentors! A month or so ago I got to sit in on one of their Sunday night meetings at the Heffner’s house---how neat to see this group of students and get to talk a bit about the early vision of Pamoja and what they are up to now.

This is a really long way to get to the present….but Ken and Gail have remained in our life, even when we moved from Grand Rapids, and each time we visited home we always looked forward to a yummy dessert and long conversation on their front porch. They have been like mentors to us, but not in a formal way, and have always provided us with good questions, solid guidance, and an excellent example of what marriage can look like after 20 and 25 years. Ken and Gail both have a knack for drawing people out with sincere interest and excellent questions, and they especially know how to engage younger people in a way that not only helps them grow, but offers enough respect to make them feel like friends.

The Heffners have 3 grown children (their youngest is a senior at Calvin) and a house big enough to fit them all, even though none still live at home. Their home also happens to be in Eastown, near Wilcox Park, which is one of the hippest neighborhoods in town. They gave us their attic space and newly added second full bathroom to use and live in for 2 months…allowing us to take over not only some of their space, but a certain level of their privacy and autonomy for that time period as well.

Ken and Gail are an inspiration to be around on many levels. They take creation care seriously, and diligently strive to work out the day-to-day meaning of loving God through loving the earth. So they actually pay attention to the kilowatt hours they use each month. They bike whenever and wherever possible. They have 2 vehicles but seldom use the second. They ride the bus. They buy local. They expanded their kitchen this summer and are most proud of all the materials they re-used, and the recycling center that extends one whole counter-length. They unplug stuff and turn stuff off when not using it. They compost. They collect the shower water as it’s getting warm to use to flush the toilet. They belong to a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) and freeze and can lots of veggies for the winter. They think of creative ways to use the kale and cabbage that comes for too many weeks during the summer. They introduced us to carrot fennel soup, lots of uses for squash, and dishes too numerous to count that use local foods in season.

They are great cooks…and make stuff that is unusual, mostly vegetarian, and as locally grown as possible. They invited us into their kitchen for any of it, and it was fun to watch and learn and help with some really great meals. As anyone who has lived in community knows, meals are a cornerstone of living together. No different at the Heffners. If you’re going to love each other, you eat together. You talk. You take time.

They are also refreshingly honest, candid, and real about family life and marriage. They have a uniquely close relationship with each of their children, and each of their children is an amazing person in their own right. It was neat for us to see a family and marriage (that isn't our own immediate families!) close up for a few months and to witness all the inner-workings. That was the true gift they gave us--not just the place to stay, but an open window into their world and relationship, giving us another solid example in our lives of how a family functions, all the good parts, all the challenges, and a hope for our own family and marriage that we will do as good of a job.

My main regret of our time together: not enough pictures. I go on a trip somewhere for a few days and take hundreds of photos....then I get hunkered down in daily life for a few months and forget to take any! I will have to make up for it during subsequent visits to the Heffners--meals and conversations that we are already looking forward to! Thank you, Ken and Gail, for loving us and for welcoming us into your home. We miss you guys already!