She laughs

Hard to believe that Piper is already one month old.

She laughs. The first time it was in her sleep, like those dreamy smiles that babies give that everyone attributes to gas. I'm pretty sure a giggle is proof that an actual dream was going on. The first verifiable, lucid giggle came while Rowan and I were watching High School Musical, of all things. Scary but true. That movie was created to get songs stuck in your head, and during the last song Rowan and I were dancing. Piper happened to wake up during this, so I picked her up and kept dancing with her. I guess she liked the song, too, or maybe the dancing....because she laughed out loud.

Smiles are coming much quicker, too. It's just the best.

She's also started to coo. Amazing to watch the beginning of language, to see her brain firing and trying to communicate back with all the sweet talking people do to her.

It's clear that she is discovering her voice and that it gives her pleasure.

Rowan hasn't been feeling well the last few days (welcome to winter in Michigan), so we've had our first times of real jealousy and Rowan feeling frustrated by my divided attention. Rowan has wanted to snuggle while I'm nursing, or has some other urgent need when I'm walking or soothing Piper. She has said things like "I'm tired of being a big sister" or "I wish we never had a baby"...all understandable things, for sure, and I'm trying to just communicate to her that it's normal to feel that way.

My dad was noting recently that most of Rowan's imaginative play the last few weeks has surrounded the idea of protection or safety (and my dad should know, since he does a LOT of imaginative play with Rowan!) She got a horse barn for Christmas, and for weeks now she has wanted to gather up all her horses and animals closely to each other, then has my dad kind of lay down around them....and they play that a snow storm (or other such storm) is coming, and they have to protect all the animals. This can go on for a long time. They were also building with legos and she started to put a fence around a house...but she insisted that it wasn't a fence, but "protectors". Not only has her life been turned upside-down by the birth of Piper, but her sense of "home" has also been a bit shaky for the last year. We have lived so many different places and referred to each of them as "home"... it's no wonder she wants to fiercely protect what she has!

The clothing sensitivity issue has much improved, thanks in no small part to the seamless socks. That, and we've gotten more firm with what is and isn't acceptable behavior to cope with her discomfort!

Our nights have been really up and down with Piper. Some nights have been decent...she's slept for 3 or even 3 and a half hours between feeds. But then other nights have been brutal....like she's up every 30 or 45 minutes, and we never really get to sleep. Joe and I started sleeping in separate rooms so that at least ONE of us is getting some rest every night...but that's getting old. I've been doing a much better job with baby #2 at taking care of myself and accepting help at night. I never missed a night-time feed when Rowan was a baby. That wasn't good for me, or her probably. With Piper we started giving her a bottle of breast milk at 2 weeks old....and now, at least 2 or 3 times a week, either Joe or my mom has been doing a middle-of-the-night feeding, so I can string together 4 or 5 hours of sleep. That has been wonderful!

I can do anything, really, if I'm well-rested.

Piper is an amazing nurser. Rowan was this way, too. Piper nurses so quickly that I'm often questioning whether she has gotten enough (she has: yesterday she weighed 10 lbs, 8 oz!). It's a combination of my milk production and her sucking ability....but I'm not exaggerating that it takes her about 5-8 minutes to nurse. Usually just on one breast and she's good to go. I always offer the second, but most of the time she's already full. I've been pumping in the middle of the night when my mom or Joe has her....and I can get 5 ounces in less than 3 minutes. Talk about milk! Joe says we need to sell it on Craigslist.

This quick nursing is a real blessing in most ways--less time to have to negotiate a baby on the breast and all the other needs around me...easy to quick nurse if we are out and about, and not have to miss much, nice to have shorter wake times in the middle of the night. But sometimes I wish she would nurse longer...like when she is fussy, and it would be nice to have quiet for 20 minutes! Like her big sister was, Piper is not interested in nursing for comfort or to fall asleep...she will only take the breast if she is hungry. She's all business.

So it's 3:00 PM, I'm still in my pjs (even though they are damp with breast milk), I haven't brushed my hair or put my contacts in...and it seems like half of the days are this way. I have to plot out when I will get food in me, plan ahead to take a shower, and just in general use time very wisely if I want to get a load of laundry done or accomplish any other seemingly mundane, daily task. Hence the lack of blog posts the last week or so.

As my sister-in-law Stacia said the other day: my hands are always busy, even if my brain is not.

That's something I have to figure out as the weeks wear on. While I am doing this all-important work of caring for little children, and while I really enjoy most of it, I crave some creative or intellectual outlet, too. It's weird that I can feel bored when there is so much going on. I'm constantly holding someone, making someone food (or nursing), changing diapers, walking, patting, shushing, picking up....the tasks don't really end, and yet this nagging sense of boredom arises.

I'll have to figure out how to carve time into the week that engages me as an adult, a creative person, and as someone who has skills other than mothering.

Important for my daughters to see me interacting with the world, too. I want them to grow into strong, confident, capable women....so they need to see me being those things!

To see a few more photos, click here.