Sleeping Like a Baby

It's hard to know what's normal with a newborn. I have taken care of many newborns...been around a lot of nieces, nephews, and friends' babies. But it's not the same as spending 24 hours a day with a baby (especially the night part)...you just see snippets, can never really get a feel for how much sleeping and crying they ACTUALLY do. So I'm not sure what's normal, but I have pondered writing down every 5 minutes of my day and night with exactly what I'm doing and what Piper is doing...and posting that, hoping to compare notes with other moms of newborns.

It's hard to write honestly for a blog, but also take into consideration the varied experiences and filters of potential readers. We have a healthy child...what a blessing. I know people who are struggling to get pregnant, who may never get pregnant. I know people who have children with disabilities or other special needs that far outweigh any challenge that a healthy newborn brings. I know people who have buried their babies. It's hard for me not to think of all of these people when I start to write something that sounds like a complaint. And yet, there ARE real frustrations and challenges with having a newborn, even if they are perfectly healthy. I want to write from a place of real truth and candor about where we are at...but sometimes I'm paralyzed with concern for coming off as ungrateful.

I am not ungrateful. Just tired.

We've had some really calm, nice times with Piper. She can be really smiley, and can zone out for several minutes just looking at the ceiling or someone moving their hand. She is cooing, and gives these huge smiles, tongue out, when someone earnestly talks to her and looks in her eyes. And during the day, she'll usually take at least one nap (provided we don't try to move her to the car) that lasts 2 or even 3 hours. So that's a huge break. She loves to have her diaper changed (loves the nakedness, just like her big sister)...and oftentimes, the solution to her crying is to just lay her down and take her clothes off. Then she can be very calm, smiley, and content. These moments are precious.

These moments do not happen in the car, ever. Occasionally she's fallen asleep or stayed asleep when I've transferred her to the car, but this is the exception. If she's awake in the car, she's crying. Usually it's crying escalating to screaming escalating to full-body thrashing. I've had to train Rowan to force herself to laugh when Piper really gets going in the car...otherwise we'd all be crying. Rowan is doing a good job. I'm trying. It makes us really consider whether a trip to ANYWHERE is worth it.

And she's sleeping like a baby...if sleeping like a baby means waking every few hours, plus having several hours at some point in the middle of the night when she's grunting, waking every 5 or 10 minutes (although she is trying to sleep), and generally so uncomfortable that we don't sleep. Where did we ever get the phrase "slept like a baby?"

There was one night last week that felt like hope: she fell asleep on my chest around 12:45 AM, I was able to get comfortable in bed, and she slept until 6:15 AM. So we'll get there eventually. I won't be awake from 1:00-5:00 AM trying to keep my 5 year old calm. I have to always use the 5 year rule...."in five years"...and then I feel more sane.

For now, we're trying to figure out why she's having these spells of grunting...right in the middle of the night, usually somewhere around 3 or 4 and lasting until morning. she seems to be sleeping through most of the grunting, but will also wake/cry out frequently in the midst of it. I'm keeping track of everything I eat and at what time...and we have found no correlations. We've tried every sleep position and situation possible...in the bassinet on her back, on her side, even desperately tried her belly. In the car seat next to the bed (which has worked the best), in bed with us, actually on our body, or next to us...nestled in the middle of the boppy, in the crook of the couch. She's been wrapped like a burrito, left in a diaper to be skin-to-skin, left out to flail, left to cry (not for very long yet...I just don't see the purpose or justice in letting a newborn cry (without comforting!) for very long. Plus our babies just seem to get ramped up after 5 or 10 minutes of being left to cry...and then take SO long to calm back down. We'll eventually just let her cry for longer and longer periods...but not in these first months.)

Apparently if a mother makes a lot of milk and has a forceful let-down (I have both), it can lead to gassiness and fussiness because the baby ends up swallowing so much air to keep up with the flow of milk. I have already naturally done the things to correct this: only nursing her on one side at a feeding, frequent burping, catching some of the first milk in a burp cloth until it tames down. Plus, she doesn't have long spells of gas and discomfort during the day...it's just at night.

So if anyone has any advice, we'd welcome it. I feel pretty educated on most things baby, but I'd also love to have an "aha" moment that leads to better sleep for all.

And in the end, we may just have to endure for awhile.

One request: please do not suggest giving this child baby cereal to calm her tummy. Not gonna do that. Breast-feeding is a fragile endeavor. It's beautiful, and I love it, but it is also a lot of work and responsibility. A breast-feeding mom needs encouragement, not the nagging sense that her milk isn't sufficient. I'm done with questioning whether my milk is enough, or is causing some horrible reaction (I am willing to eliminate foods from my diet, and already have). Supplementing breast milk seems to be a popular idea to ease fussiness and get a baby to sleep longer at night---if you're interested to know why giving cereal (or other solids) is not the best idea at such a young age, here's why you shouldn't.

Our days have been good, albeit loud, thanks in no small part to Rowan's flexibility and sweetness when it comes to Piper and Piper's fussiness. I also seem to have a bigger dose of patience than I remember having when Rowan was a baby. Maybe because I know how it all turns out in the end...with Rowan, I probably had this nagging sense somewhere deep down that I would be walking, swaying, and shushing for the rest of my life. Now I know that I get this cool little person at the end of it.

So there is a lot of crying...a lot of attempts at comforting...a lot of times of not knowing what the heck is wrong. A lot of me telling Rowan that she has to wait a minute. Again, thank goodness for her sweetness! Oh, and for PBS.

In non-baby news, our house is coming right along...it's beautiful! We are eager to move in...and while Joe has said he is no longer giving time estimates, it seems like the upstairs is within weeks of being completed. I can't wait to post some photos---soon, I promise! I want to wait until it's all cleaned up and finished. We're looking forward to setting up our own home again--it's been awhile.

To see a few more pics of the girls, click here.