Do we produce fussy babies?

The jury is still out on what kind of baby Piper will be: calm and typical, or gassy and fussy? This week there has been a lot of evidence towards the latter....and it makes our hearts sink a bit. Rowan was a challenging infant (never slept well...didn't sleep through the night until 9 months, cried in the car always, cried during lots of her wake times, required lots and lots of stimulation to be happy)...so we were hoping for a more relaxed second child! Many of the days this week have felt like those early days with Rowan. When a baby is fussy, you're always questioning what the cause is--once hunger, sleep, and a clean diaper have been ruled out....there is lots of mystery. Piper has seemed uncomfortable this week, like her body is trying to process the gas and digestion and something just doesn't feel right. So I start paying attention to what I'm eating, and eliminate the common culprits: onions, broccoli, grapefruit, chocolate. What a guessing game!

Let me make this clear: what an amazing blessing to have a healthy child. Babies are miracles...sounds cliche, but it is so true. We are thankful. We are blessed. We marvel at her every day. Her body is perfect. Her skin is amazing.

And yet...these first weeks are hard. Poor sleep, trying to figure each other out. All of us adjusting to new roles and responsibilities as a family of four. Some good friends of ours found out they are pregnant with their first child last week...and they stopped by the house to share the news with Joe. Upon reporting the visit to me, Joe said that he was aware that he needed to show excitement about the pregnancy....and had to dig deep to offer genuine words of congratulations. He said that as he was saying "wow, that's great!" in his head he was thinking "what are you thinking?" and when he said "congratulations" he was really thinking "don't you guys like each other?" During this newborn phase especially, Joe maintains that kids are no good for a marriage. And he's probably right. We get through it...and learn some things about each other in the end, and come to a deeper appreciation for each other, and ultimately share a different, deeper kind of bond because of parenting together. But there is nothing romantic about waking up together every two hours, changing dirty diapers, and enduring unexplained crying.

Some days with Piper have been better than others....but there are always at least a few moments of calm sweetness during the day, of staring into each others' eyes, of cooing and talking and just memorizing each other. Rowan seems to love baby stuff...wants to hold Piper a lot, help change her diapers and clothes, and it is so cool to watch them together.

There has been one significant way that Rowan has reacted to having a new sibling. We haven't seen any direct jealousy or acting out towards Piper...but Rowan's clothing sensitivities have elevated to another level, and we're figuring that it is at least in part a reaction to her life changing. I think I've written in the past about some of Rowan's sensitivities and particularities...she definitely perceives her environment in an acute way, and oftentimes the stimulation is just too much to handle. So for example, she doesn't have a single pair of jeans...they are too uncomfortable for her. And socks are always an issue...it takes quite awhile each morning to get them to fit just right. The seam has to be perfectly centered over her toes, the heel pocket exactly where it should be. Barrettes or ponytails? Forget it. Her sensitivities have been an annoyance for sure...but we've all been able to cope and adapt to them. Her wardrobe consists of all soft, comfy things...this winter her outfit of choice has been cotton leggings with a loose cotton dress. Winter has been a new challenge because of all the layering that is required...coats are a pain, boots don't feel right, and you can imagine how mittens or gloves go over. Anyways, not long after Piper was born, Rowan decided that her panties didn't feel right...and it has kind of spiraled into a ridiculous situation at dressing time. Lots of crying, negotiating, and gnashing of teeth and stomping of feet (by Rowan, then by us).

Because if the panties don't feel right...putting something over the panties, say leggings or pants, just complicates matters. And by the time we get to putting on socks (30 minutes later), things are in really bad shape. As this scenario has played out and intensified each day when it is time to get dressed, we've had to figure out how to deal with it: empathize with her sensitivities, sure, but at what point is this a discipline issue? We're trying to figure out how to help her cope, how to set boundaries on what's acceptable behavior to deal with her discomfort, and finding that line between being patient and being firm. A child psychologist might say this is a classic case of a child with a new sibling vying for attention...even if it's negative attention. Thing is, Rowan has quite possibly had MORE attention in the last 3 weeks than she ever has had in her life...between 2 grandparents being around and me being mostly home bound, she has had ample undivided attention. So we're working on the situation.

There are moments in the day that feel like I have everything under control. I took a photo of one such moment above. When Piper is sleeping on her own, when Rowan is fully engaged in something independently. I look like I know what I'm doing. Heck, I even feel something like a competent parent.

I asked Rowan the other day what has been something unexpected about having a new baby. After talking about what 'unexpected' means, she thoughtfully replied "how much she cries and how much she nurses are two things I didn't expect." Well, I should have expected those things....I've done this once before...but the mind has a funny way of forgetting that stuff, otherwise we might never do it again!

I love the way they are looking at each other in this photo. Piper looks like she is talking with her hands. Rowan is gently touching Piper's head.

I have a feeling that watching these two girls grow up together, watching them play and fight and love each other, watching them develop into adults and relate to each other as friends...I have a feeling that witnessing their relationship will be one of the great privileges of my life.

To see a few more photos from the week, click here.