House Photos!

These photos have been a long time coming!

We moved into the house last weekend and spent the first night here Sunday. After over a year of living transiently, and 6 months before that of living in an RV...it feels GREAT to have space that is all our own again!

The upstairs of the house is done...so that is where we are living. The downstairs is still a work-in-progress. The kitchen is the next project. In the meantime, we have a little fridge and microwave up in our master closet, plus a full-size fridge and oven/stove in the unfinished part of the house. So preparing meals will be an adventure! Some of my sweet friends have brought us meals this week--leftovers that we could just heat up in the microwave, or already-made meals to easily throw in the oven. I have a feeling that there won't be much gourmet cooking around here for awhile!

We're still getting unpacked and organized. Moving is like giving birth...a part of your brain always forgets how much work it is, otherwise you'd never do it again. Seriously! We have been exhausted this week, and we only moved half of a house!

I'm not posting photos of the our master bedroom or closet...not because they are private, but because they are functioning as multi-use spaces right now, and don't make a lot of sense in a photograph. Our closet is also a mini-kitchen, and our bedroom is a living room/dining room...and both look a bit crazy, neither will stay that way forever. The bedroom and closet have the same amazing floors that you see in Rowan and Piper's rooms...and the same beautiful windows, trim, and doors, too.


Rowan's room. My girly girl, of course, wanted pink. I never in a million years thought that I would have a pink room in my house. Never. True love, that's what I say. And we compromised. I'm partial to orange, and I think pink and orange look pretty cute together. So that's where Rowan and I started...and we've been having fun collecting things for her room since the fall. All of her furniture is second-hand. My sister found the headboard for her bed for $5 at a garage sale, we sanded and painted it. The mattress itself is the one Joe slept on as a kid. The dressers I found at an estate sale for $15 a piece. Also sanded, painted, and added new hardware to those. The funky chair is from Craigslist. The big Ikea bookcase is also from Craigslist. I will have to write a whole separate post about the absurd way we (by we I mean JOE) got the bookcase upstairs. But that will have to wait.

Notice the beautiful floors. Joe refinished the floors in the entire upstairs...and I'm having trouble putting rugs over any of it. They are deep, rich, warm, perfect. He spent a week working on them...a lot of it on his hands and knees. I'm catching him every day, now, on his hands and knees, inspecting this or that on the floor, making sure the furniture isn't scratching them too much.

Notice the window and trim, too. Joe put all new windows in the whole house. Not only do they look clean and sharp...they are very energy efficient, too. We also insulated the whole house, so we're eager to see what our gas bills look like. Joe's dad did most of the trim. We love it. Thick, simple, clean, craftsman lines. Just like I am having trouble putting rugs on the floors, I'm having trouble putting any kind of window treatment on the windows. I just want to show them off!

There are more pics of Rowan's room...you can see them by following the link to Flick at the end of this post.


Piper's room. It's a lovely shade of green. The crib is the one Rowan slept in...lovingly made by hand, out of ONE piece of oak, by her Papa (Joe's dad). We adore this crib. The changing table, too, was Rowan's. A dresser we found at Salvation Army in Memphis...painted, added hardware, then Joe built a beautiful oak top for it and put feet on it to make it higher for us tall folks. I found the funky old green rocker at an estate sale this fall, and another oak dresser at an antique fair. I'm still planning on painting a few things on her walls...so I'll post more pictures of her room later. Also more photos on Flickr.


The bathroom. I have to brag on Joe here. I really don't deserve a bathroom this nice. I feel like I am showering at an upscale hotel. I feel like I am at a spa. And every single detail is due to Joe. Which sometimes drove me crazy. I wanted to pick out tile at the first place we looked. He insisted on checking every tile place in town. I wanted to pick out fixtures at Lowes. He researched and bought really cool fixtures, for great deals, online. I tend to be rash at making decisions. Let's just say he is deliberate. But holy moly, check out what he did!
Bathroom Before:

Bathroom After:


The bathroom was literally a shell when we bought the house...so we had to design it...every single part of it. It turned out better than we ever imagined. A few details: the flooring is Ipe, a Brazilian hardwood that stands up really well to water, and is really expensive. Joe found some on Craigslist...a guy had some left-over from a project (not flooring) and had about 60 square feet left, just what we needed. And sold it to us for $60! Joe had to re-mill it to make it work as flooring. The shelf is made of oak from an old barn that Joe collected a bunch of wood from when we lived in Arkansas. The vanity was made from walnut flooring that we got cheap from a surplus store. Joe put the wood flooring together and then re-imagined it as furniture! The wood is dark and varied and gorgeous. The counter-top and tub surround is all concrete. Joe built forms and poured it off-site, then installed it all around the tub and over the vanity. Joe did every part of this bathroom (with help on plumbing from his dad)...from the lighting to the tile work to the floors to the vanity to the complicated plumbing. It's amazing. You can see a lot of other details in the photos at Flickr.

Check them out here.

"Formal" Photos

Since Rowan turned 4 a few weeks ago and Piper is now 2 months old and growing rapidly, I have had it on my mind to take some photos of them with the backdrop.

Parents often report that when their children are in the care of someone else, their children are more well-behaved than when the parent is taking care of them. I'm sure this phenomenon has a name...but whatever it is, this more-well-behaved-for-others-thing applies to photographers taking pictures of their own children, too.

I'm fine picking up the camera and taking "candid" shots of the girls...but when it's time to take nicer, "formal" ones, I sort of dread it. Maybe it's because I'm less patient than I would be with a paying customer...or maybe it's because they already know the tricks I have up my sleeve to get attention or a smile...but whatever it is, I seldom have as good of luck with my own kids as I do with other people's kids. What's that about?

My mother-in-law was nice enough to help me take some photos...by getting the kids' attention and taking care of whoever wasn't in the frame. Even with the help, I seemed to get quickly frustrated. I expected too much.


Initially, my newborn was more cooperative than my 4-year-old. Piper gave sweet smiles, talked to her Nana throughout...but her hair is just so wild I couldn't figure out what to do with it, and she mostly just looked like a little old lady. I just couldn't figure out how to make her look cute...and not like I had just electrocuted her. Her smiles are sweet as all get out in person, but in two-dimensions her mouth just looks agape, like she might need some psychiatric help. Is it possible for a 2 month old to be going through an awkward phase? No magazines are calling to put this one on their cover! Oh well, here she is in all her wild glory.


And Rowan is at that great age of fake smiles. Painfully fake. And I was impatient with her. When I finally took a deep breath, I asked myself if I would ever treat someone else's child with such frustration. Of course I wouldn't. I would be undyingly patient...trying thing after thing after thing to get them comfortable and to get some genuine smiles.

So I bribed her with ice cream. Changed her outfit. Let her take some pictures of me. Told new knock-knock jokes. And finally got a few real photos.



I've only edited these few shots so far. Eventually I will put a bunch more up on Flickr...and I promise to include some of the really horrible ones. There were many.

When we were driving in the car after taking pictures, I apologized to Rowan for getting frustrated with her. Apparently I am too hard on myself--she didn't seem to think I got too frustrated, and was confused by my apology.

Piper got her 2 month shots (not photos--needle shots) today. I hate that. She cried pretty hard. She weighed 12 pounds, 9 ounces and has grown 3 inches: she's now 23 1/2 inches long. She looks healthy! And some of the clothes that were gifts at her birth, which we looked at and thought "she'll never be that big!"...yeah, she's already grown out of them.

Sigh.

Turning a Corner

I have waited a few weeks to post this good news because I wanted to make sure it wasn't a fluke. The jury is still out on whether we found a permanent solution, but I think we have turned a corner.

First of all, thank you to all the friends and folks who have made good suggestions for how to solve our sleep/fussy issue with Piper. Lots of good ideas.

The idea that made the most sense to us to try first came from our good friend and former pediatrician in Jonesboro, Dr. Dave Matthews. He told us about this product out of Sweden called Biogaia. It's a probiotic in drop form that babies can take. The logic behind this is that we all have good and bad bacteria in our gut, which in part aids in digestion. Sometimes the balance of good vs. bad bacteria can get out of whack and cause digestive distress. One way that the bacteria gets out of balance is from taking antibiotics...which wipe out bad bacteria, but take the good bacteria with it. I was on an IV drip of antibiotics during labor for Group B Strep...so Piper would have received some of that when she was born.

In addition to Piper's tummy pain, she also had horrible smelling gas. Much worse than a breast-fed baby should have. Also a sign of imbalance in the gut. So Dave felt like if we gave her some good bacteria, it may help her feel better. You can buy BioGaia over-the-counter, it's all natural, no side-effects. At $30 a bottle, it was worth a shot. Dave told me to make sure to give her 5 drops a day for at least two weeks...that it might take that long to see the effects.

I received the BioGaia in the mail on a Saturday a few weeks ago...gave it to Piper that day. That night, she slept from 10:00 PM until 6:15 AM with no grunting. What! The next 3 nights were similar...sleeping from 11-5 or 10-5:30...at least 5 hour stretches each night. And the biggest change--no grunting. Craziness!


The only complicating factor is that the same day I received the BioGaia, my sweet Aunt in Portland sent me a bottle of Gripe Water...which are homeopathic drops that also aid digestion and supposedly reduce colic. So I had given her a few of these drops that day as well. Who knows, maybe it was the combination of both?

After 4 or 5 nights of amazing sleep, little Piper got a cold and has spent the last two weeks doing quite a bit of night waking because her nose has been so stuffed up she's had trouble breathing. But it has been clear that the frequent night-waking this time is because of her stuffy nose, not her tummy. And she's still been doing a 5 hour stretch at the beginning of the night...it just seems like in the middle of the night her nose gets worse and the second half of the night is a bit restless. So we'll see once this cold clears--but either way, we are much improved over here!

I was hoping for an answer to her tummy trouble and fussiness, I was NEVER expecting her to suddenly start sleeping in such long stretches. Rowan didn't sleep this long or well until way after 6 months old, so I've been mentally prepared to do that again. Feels like relief...and grace...and we are thankful.


This photo is of a trick that Joe loves to do with our newborns--don't have a heart attack, he has huge hands and has those baby feet firmly planted within. It looks pretty funny to see such a little baby upright like this--and she LOVES to do it! It's one of Joe's sure-fire ways to calm a fussy baby. We figure it takes so much brain power to keep herself balanced, it makes her quit crying.

To see some more random photos from the last weeks, including a few shots of Rowan's 4th birthday party, click here.

We are planning on moving into our house this weekend, if all goes on schedule this week. So stayed tuned for some "after" photos of the upstairs....we are so close!

Random Photo

Sorting through some photos today...trying to clean up the hard-drive and find some more photos to submit to Istock. Came across this photo that my cousin KC took at Jenny's wedding rehearsal this summer. KC grabbed my camera for awhile at the rehearsal...she has a great eye! For some reason I never edited this batch of photos...but this one makes me motivated...and nostalgic for summer! I love seeing photos that other people take of my kids...of course, Rowan never wants to give me such a sweet look.

Thanks KC, I love this photo...

The tree

Back when Joe and I were dating, we had a special place in the woods where we would go to hike, talk, explore. The woods is on a piece of property that his family used to own just outside of town a bit. We spent a lot of time there while we were dating. At one point early on in our relationship, probably before we were officially "dating", we carved our initials in a tree, with the year (with no heart or + included, mind you...just JC LH 95) and that's usually where we would return on our visits.

One summer we decided to bury a box by the tree...and included items and memories from that year, plus a letter that we each penned to each other, sealed, with the intention of returning the next summer to open the box and read the letters from the year previous. Pretty romantic, huh? And hopeful, too...as we never knew for sure if we'd still be together the next summer...but both had a good feeling about it! We did this for each summer that we dated (and still have all the contents we chose stored away carefully...photos, ticket stubs, notes, rocks, etc).

After 3 years of dating, a semester that we broke up, lots of agonizing together about what our future might look like...we returned to our tree in August of 1998 to dig up our box from the summer before. This time, there were many other trees with carvings in them all along the path to "our" tree...carvings that were on 2 trees but went together, sweet messages with code names we used for each other over e-mail. This should have made me suspicious, but in those days a romantic gesture like this was not out-of-the-ordinary! It was a hot day, we were sweaty and itchy from the hike...and finally settled in around our digging work to enjoy the items in the box. When we got to the letters...he read mine first. Then I read his, and at the end of the letter was this strange instruction, which said something like "continue digging" (I'd tell you precisely what it said, but all of our stuff is in storage still...don't know where the letter is exactly!)

So I kept digging...and came to another box...and in it was a ring...and Joe asked me if I would marry him...and the rest is history. We got root beer floats afterward to celebrate, not knowing what else to do as the newly-engaged...and looked at each other with strange wonder at what was ahead.

(In case you are wondering...Joe had not planned this engagement a year ahead of time! He returned to the site and added the note and buried the ring right before the proposal...actually, I seem to remember that his dad had to bury the ring because it was only ready at the last minute before the proposal...and that it involved specific instructions to his dad about how to find the tree "go west after the second oak tree, then take 40 paces north...")

So this tree and these woods are special to us. We had not been there in many years...probably 6 or 7...but decided to take the girls a few weeks ago.

Truth be known, we went to take a hike on the first Sunday that it was warmer than 30 degrees around here...the snow was still super deep (2 or 3 feet), but it was sunny and beautiful. Some new houses had been built on the property, so it took us awhile to find our normal markers and get oriented on the land. But we eventually found the tree. Our initials were much harder to see than a decade ago...but they are there if you look closely.



Rowan wouldn't join us for a picture, but Piper is nestled warmly in the Moby under my coat. You can see her little head sticking out in a bear hat.

We stayed there for awhile...Joe and Rowan built a snow fort, threw snowballs. We identified lots of animal tracks.

Felt surreal to bring our children to this spot. We'll be married 10 years this summer...and while I really don't feel that old, having a place like this to return to and experiencing the flood of memories makes me feel grounded, with history, with a story, with a journey that isn't just beginning any more...but one which has a significant portion of it already written.



There are just a handful more photos at Flickr here.

Bad Hair Day

After a recent nap. What do I do with this child's hair?

To Rowan at Four Years Old

Dear Rowan, (02-21-2009)

Happy Birthday!

Today you turn 4. I know every parent says this as their child ages a year—but it is hard to believe. I can’t believe I have a 4 year old. I’ve been thinking a lot this week about the days and hours 4 years ago while we awaited your birth.

I loved being pregnant with you. It was my first time to experience all the kicks and tumbles and changes in my body from a growing life, and I reveled in it. You have told me repeatedly that you do not want to get married or have a baby…and I have reassured you that it is your choice, that no one will make you (and quite frankly, I’d rather not have you TOO eager for pregnancy..at least not anytime soon!) You said you are scared about “giving birth” because it sounds like it would hurt—even though I have gone to great lengths to make it sound like a wonderful, positive experience. I hope that someday you change your mind…and that you get to experience the mystery of pregnancy. It would be a privilege for me to witness.

You arrived a few days after your due date…and each day for over a week I took a long walk around Craighead Forest Lake in Jonesboro, hoping to help induce labor. I remember those walks in detail…I think I suspected how my life was going to change, knew the luxury of a solo 3 mile walk would soon be just that…a luxury. But mostly I remember dreaming about you. What you would look like, who you would be. Who I would be.

My labor with you was arduous. My water broke at midnight, contractions started in earnest right away, I breathed through them at home through the night…only to find out the discouraging news at the hospital 7 hours later that I was only dilated to 1. We found out much later that you were turned the wrong way…hence the prolonged labor. When it was finally time to push, you still hadn’t turned…and you got stuck behind my pubic bone. I labored and pushed for a long time…I was very focused, never lost control or concentration….but narrowly missed a c-section…also narrowly missed giving my good friend and OB-GYN a heart attack…and finally pushed you out after 3 hours. You were still sunny-side up. This resulted in a long recovery for me…and a very unusually shaped head for you. 3 hours in the birth canal facing the wrong way…you looked like a baby manatee. The day after you were born, my friend Dana showed me a picture of you in profile from immediately after you entered the world, and I emptied my bladder on the hospital floor from laughing. I’m pleased to report that your head is now quite lovely.

You are beautiful.

Our first year with you was rough. I underestimated how much a baby changes your life. I struggled not so much with your daily care—I loved (most) of that. I struggled with a lack of independence. Your dad and I struggled to define new roles and to relate to each other as parents. I didn’t like having to think so far ahead about every little detail or plan.

4 years later, I think we’ve caught our groove :) Having added Piper to our family this year, I feel much more relaxed and able to keep things in perspective….because of you. Because I know why we endure infancy. Because I know that you turned into this totally fun, cool person to be around.

(rowan at 2 months)

You have been strong-willed from the get-go. I maintain that I’d rather have a daughter who knows what she wants than one who is too easily influenced. When you get an idea…it’s hard to persuade you out of it. You have very specific ideas about what you want to wear, what you want to play with, what you want to eat. Sometimes you are a real pain in the butt!

You gave up naps on your 2^nd birthday and have never looked back. You do not stop all day…and are surprisingly pleasant to be around even as the day drags on and you should be getting weary. You are constantly moving, often talking, usually asking questions, and just tenacious as all get out.

You have a good sense of humor, laugh at daddy’s silly jokes, and have even started making up your own jokes. You remember things after being told once, and will often surprise us by using a new word or concept in the correct context almost immediately. Your memory impresses us…you will frequently reminisce about some small detail of our life in Jonesboro or in the RV.

You ask the best questions. Yesterday you asked me “how does the brain think?” And of course, you want to know “why” for everything. And you don’t miss much when adults are having a conversation around you. We are learning to be careful about what we say in your presence…not so much out of protection of you, but out of avoidance of a really long explanation and a million questions!

I love to hear what you are thinking. You put ideas together and make connections between stories and concepts. Conversations with you are fun. You’re a good thinker. It bodes well for what school will be like for you.

You won’t wear jeans, you really don’t like having anything in your hair (what should I do about your hair? You are a bit of a wild child in the hair department), you have very specific requirements for shoes, you hate clothing that requires any level of layering, and just in general are very fussy about clothing and what goes on your body. We actually bought seamless socks for you this year because socks had become such a problem.

You notice the smallest changes in your environment. Smells are intense for you. Change isn’t easy. You cling to routines with tenacity: we have sung the same 3 songs (Angels We Have Heard on High, Jingle Bells, and the made-up Rowan Joy song) at bedtime (in the same order) for nearly two years…and recently added the same book (used to do a different one each night) to the nightly routine (I’m a Big Sister!) You will not budge if I suggest a different song or book.

You had been dreaming and talking about having a princess birthday party since you turned 3…and I eventually compromised with you and planned a “Princess and the Pea” party for your 4^th birthday. Yesterday, all your friends arrived…dressed as princesses, princes, and a few peas. That morning, you tried on each of your dress-up princess dresses….and none of them felt right. One was too itchy, the other had sleeves that were ¾ length and you didn’t like the way it felt, the other had off-the-shoulder sleeves that wouldn’t stay in place. So you were the birthday girl at her princess party, dressed in normal clothes.

The irony of the message of “Princess and the Pea” was not lost on me! (only a princess is sensitive enough to feel a pea under 20 mattresses!)

You are a sensitive person, indeed…and I’m learning to understand you, because I am not so sensitive to my environment. You’ve helped me to understand your dad better, actually….before you came along, I never fully acknowledged the real sensitivities he has…and in turn, he constantly helps me to be more tolerant of your sensitivities. When I think back to your infancy, I wonder if some of your general discomfort had to do with your sensitive spirit. Did your clothes feel funny, was your diaper too tight, was your immature digestive system just too much to handle?

I’m enjoying seeing the positive aspects of raising a highly sensitive daughter. You are aware of your world and the people around you in a way many others are not. You make keen observations, feel things fully, and help me to stop and notice.

You love puzzles, love to read, love letters and words, love art, love moving your body (you recently mastered the hula hoop and jump rope), love baking with your Nana. You play really well by yourself…you make up games, songs, and use your imagination.

(rowan at 4 months)

You didn’t want to turn 4. Most kids I know are eager to hit their next birthday…you were apprehensive. This morning you told daddy that you were still 3…because you didn’t “feel” different. You were expecting to feel fundamentally different when you advanced an age…and were a bit distraught to wake up and feel the same. A few days before your birthday, you broke down in tears at bedtime about growing up. “I don’t want to grow up!” you exclaimed, huge tears pooling in your eyes, “I want to stay 3 forever!” I implored you about why…and one reason you gave is that you never want to live away from me. I told you that you could live with me as long as you want (knowing full well that by the teenage years, you’ll be eager to be on your own!) At least for now, I think that the idea of staying with me forever satisfied and comforted you.

Oh, to have you with me forever! Sweet child, the thought comforted me, too.
I love you, Rowan, and always will.

The best part

So today is my 32nd birthday. I like birthdays. I'm cool with getting older.

Today, the mark of a good day was this: Joe made me scrambled eggs, I took a long morning shower, we ate lunch at Yesterdog, my mom watched the girls for a few hours so I could go get a coffee, run an errand, do a few things at the house sans children. Many dear friends and family called and loved on me. Joe brought me really funky flowers. My mom made lasagna for dinner. We drank a bit of wine. Watched LOST.

But the best part was clear. A card from Rowan. Her idea. Her words. Her sounding it all out with Grandma before I came home. Her concern that the "M" in mom on the inside wasn't perfect.

Translation: Happy Birthday, you are the bestest mom in the world, Rowan XXXOOO. My favorite part is her version of bestest...in her mind, it sounded out to "bastis." In case you wondered if she still had some southern influence.

I'm proud of my not-quite-4 year old (it's her turn for a birthday on Saturday...she was due to be born on my birthday!), surely, and her growing grasp of language and words...my mom said that the only thing she helped her with was reminding her what sound "th" made.

Mostly, my heart just skips a beat because I'm crazy about this child. And I love being her mom.

Sleeping Like a Baby

It's hard to know what's normal with a newborn. I have taken care of many newborns...been around a lot of nieces, nephews, and friends' babies. But it's not the same as spending 24 hours a day with a baby (especially the night part)...you just see snippets, can never really get a feel for how much sleeping and crying they ACTUALLY do. So I'm not sure what's normal, but I have pondered writing down every 5 minutes of my day and night with exactly what I'm doing and what Piper is doing...and posting that, hoping to compare notes with other moms of newborns.

It's hard to write honestly for a blog, but also take into consideration the varied experiences and filters of potential readers. We have a healthy child...what a blessing. I know people who are struggling to get pregnant, who may never get pregnant. I know people who have children with disabilities or other special needs that far outweigh any challenge that a healthy newborn brings. I know people who have buried their babies. It's hard for me not to think of all of these people when I start to write something that sounds like a complaint. And yet, there ARE real frustrations and challenges with having a newborn, even if they are perfectly healthy. I want to write from a place of real truth and candor about where we are at...but sometimes I'm paralyzed with concern for coming off as ungrateful.

I am not ungrateful. Just tired.

We've had some really calm, nice times with Piper. She can be really smiley, and can zone out for several minutes just looking at the ceiling or someone moving their hand. She is cooing, and gives these huge smiles, tongue out, when someone earnestly talks to her and looks in her eyes. And during the day, she'll usually take at least one nap (provided we don't try to move her to the car) that lasts 2 or even 3 hours. So that's a huge break. She loves to have her diaper changed (loves the nakedness, just like her big sister)...and oftentimes, the solution to her crying is to just lay her down and take her clothes off. Then she can be very calm, smiley, and content. These moments are precious.

These moments do not happen in the car, ever. Occasionally she's fallen asleep or stayed asleep when I've transferred her to the car, but this is the exception. If she's awake in the car, she's crying. Usually it's crying escalating to screaming escalating to full-body thrashing. I've had to train Rowan to force herself to laugh when Piper really gets going in the car...otherwise we'd all be crying. Rowan is doing a good job. I'm trying. It makes us really consider whether a trip to ANYWHERE is worth it.

And she's sleeping like a baby...if sleeping like a baby means waking every few hours, plus having several hours at some point in the middle of the night when she's grunting, waking every 5 or 10 minutes (although she is trying to sleep), and generally so uncomfortable that we don't sleep. Where did we ever get the phrase "slept like a baby?"

There was one night last week that felt like hope: she fell asleep on my chest around 12:45 AM, I was able to get comfortable in bed, and she slept until 6:15 AM. So we'll get there eventually. I won't be awake from 1:00-5:00 AM trying to keep my 5 year old calm. I have to always use the 5 year rule...."in five years"...and then I feel more sane.

For now, we're trying to figure out why she's having these spells of grunting...right in the middle of the night, usually somewhere around 3 or 4 and lasting until morning. she seems to be sleeping through most of the grunting, but will also wake/cry out frequently in the midst of it. I'm keeping track of everything I eat and at what time...and we have found no correlations. We've tried every sleep position and situation possible...in the bassinet on her back, on her side, even desperately tried her belly. In the car seat next to the bed (which has worked the best), in bed with us, actually on our body, or next to us...nestled in the middle of the boppy, in the crook of the couch. She's been wrapped like a burrito, left in a diaper to be skin-to-skin, left out to flail, left to cry (not for very long yet...I just don't see the purpose or justice in letting a newborn cry (without comforting!) for very long. Plus our babies just seem to get ramped up after 5 or 10 minutes of being left to cry...and then take SO long to calm back down. We'll eventually just let her cry for longer and longer periods...but not in these first months.)

Apparently if a mother makes a lot of milk and has a forceful let-down (I have both), it can lead to gassiness and fussiness because the baby ends up swallowing so much air to keep up with the flow of milk. I have already naturally done the things to correct this: only nursing her on one side at a feeding, frequent burping, catching some of the first milk in a burp cloth until it tames down. Plus, she doesn't have long spells of gas and discomfort during the day...it's just at night.

So if anyone has any advice, we'd welcome it. I feel pretty educated on most things baby, but I'd also love to have an "aha" moment that leads to better sleep for all.

And in the end, we may just have to endure for awhile.

One request: please do not suggest giving this child baby cereal to calm her tummy. Not gonna do that. Breast-feeding is a fragile endeavor. It's beautiful, and I love it, but it is also a lot of work and responsibility. A breast-feeding mom needs encouragement, not the nagging sense that her milk isn't sufficient. I'm done with questioning whether my milk is enough, or is causing some horrible reaction (I am willing to eliminate foods from my diet, and already have). Supplementing breast milk seems to be a popular idea to ease fussiness and get a baby to sleep longer at night---if you're interested to know why giving cereal (or other solids) is not the best idea at such a young age, here's why you shouldn't.

Our days have been good, albeit loud, thanks in no small part to Rowan's flexibility and sweetness when it comes to Piper and Piper's fussiness. I also seem to have a bigger dose of patience than I remember having when Rowan was a baby. Maybe because I know how it all turns out in the end...with Rowan, I probably had this nagging sense somewhere deep down that I would be walking, swaying, and shushing for the rest of my life. Now I know that I get this cool little person at the end of it.

So there is a lot of crying...a lot of attempts at comforting...a lot of times of not knowing what the heck is wrong. A lot of me telling Rowan that she has to wait a minute. Again, thank goodness for her sweetness! Oh, and for PBS.

In non-baby news, our house is coming right along...it's beautiful! We are eager to move in...and while Joe has said he is no longer giving time estimates, it seems like the upstairs is within weeks of being completed. I can't wait to post some photos---soon, I promise! I want to wait until it's all cleaned up and finished. We're looking forward to setting up our own home again--it's been awhile.

To see a few more pics of the girls, click here.

The M word

When we moved back to MI from CA, we left the veggie oil Mercedes in CA to sell (and finally sold it in early December!) So we have just had the truck...and it wasn't working for us to share one vehicle. For awhile we short-term leased a car from my uncle who owns a car dealership...but once Piper came along, getting 2 kids and car seats in and out of a 4 door was getting old.

Since we were dating I knew that "Mini-Van" was practically a swear word to Joe. It has always represented something bigger than just a family vehicle. He hasn't been able to say exactly what it represents, but I suspect it has something to do with a mini-van not being very macho, or with admitting that your life cannot be managed with any other, cooler car. He always felt like getting a mini-van would be like admitting that you'd given up. He literally has a hard time saying the words "mini-van" and often just refers to it as the "m" word.

I'm with our friend Joel who maintains that getting a mini-van is admitting the ultimate in practicality. I mean, what vehicle uses space as efficiently, is as easy to get car seats in and out of, and still gets okay gas mileage? Okay, maybe a Honda Pilot or some other cool cross-over...but what vehicle for under $5,000 can do all these things? A mini-van can seat-belt at least 7 people, has a roof rack, decent storage room in the back, 2 easy to use sliding doors...and right now you can get a perfectly decent one for well under five grand.

So I finally convinced Joe. He says that his pride is less important than my happiness. What a guy. And we are now the happy (or not so happy) owners of a 2000 Nissan Quest. We got a great deal on it. I'm feeling a bit like a soccer mom, but I'm thrilled. Can't remember ever being so excited about a vehicle, actually. I assured Joe that we do not have to own this vehicle forever...it's just to get us through these years with small children.

Joe called our insurance company to get the mini-van added, and when he told the guy that we needed to add a Nissan Quest, the guy said "oh, I'm sorry man." Just what Joe needed to hear, right? Don't fuel his mini-van snobbery!

Mini-Van drivers unite!

Istock Flames!

I have been contributing photos to istockphoto for about a year now. Istock is a great micro-stock photo site where people can download photos for a reasonable fee (for use on websites, brochures, whatever) and I get a cut of each download. Actually, I submitted a bunch of photos at first, got over 90 accepted, and haven't submitted any more since the Spring! So I need to work more on that soon....it's a nice little way to make money :)

When a photo gets 100 downloads, it gets a cool little flame symbol above it, because it's "hot" I guess.

I got my first flames this week! Check it out here. It's a photo of Joe and Rowan on the beach off of Highway 1 in CA.

She laughs

Hard to believe that Piper is already one month old.

She laughs. The first time it was in her sleep, like those dreamy smiles that babies give that everyone attributes to gas. I'm pretty sure a giggle is proof that an actual dream was going on. The first verifiable, lucid giggle came while Rowan and I were watching High School Musical, of all things. Scary but true. That movie was created to get songs stuck in your head, and during the last song Rowan and I were dancing. Piper happened to wake up during this, so I picked her up and kept dancing with her. I guess she liked the song, too, or maybe the dancing....because she laughed out loud.

Smiles are coming much quicker, too. It's just the best.

She's also started to coo. Amazing to watch the beginning of language, to see her brain firing and trying to communicate back with all the sweet talking people do to her.

It's clear that she is discovering her voice and that it gives her pleasure.

Rowan hasn't been feeling well the last few days (welcome to winter in Michigan), so we've had our first times of real jealousy and Rowan feeling frustrated by my divided attention. Rowan has wanted to snuggle while I'm nursing, or has some other urgent need when I'm walking or soothing Piper. She has said things like "I'm tired of being a big sister" or "I wish we never had a baby"...all understandable things, for sure, and I'm trying to just communicate to her that it's normal to feel that way.

My dad was noting recently that most of Rowan's imaginative play the last few weeks has surrounded the idea of protection or safety (and my dad should know, since he does a LOT of imaginative play with Rowan!) She got a horse barn for Christmas, and for weeks now she has wanted to gather up all her horses and animals closely to each other, then has my dad kind of lay down around them....and they play that a snow storm (or other such storm) is coming, and they have to protect all the animals. This can go on for a long time. They were also building with legos and she started to put a fence around a house...but she insisted that it wasn't a fence, but "protectors". Not only has her life been turned upside-down by the birth of Piper, but her sense of "home" has also been a bit shaky for the last year. We have lived so many different places and referred to each of them as "home"... it's no wonder she wants to fiercely protect what she has!

The clothing sensitivity issue has much improved, thanks in no small part to the seamless socks. That, and we've gotten more firm with what is and isn't acceptable behavior to cope with her discomfort!

Our nights have been really up and down with Piper. Some nights have been decent...she's slept for 3 or even 3 and a half hours between feeds. But then other nights have been brutal....like she's up every 30 or 45 minutes, and we never really get to sleep. Joe and I started sleeping in separate rooms so that at least ONE of us is getting some rest every night...but that's getting old. I've been doing a much better job with baby #2 at taking care of myself and accepting help at night. I never missed a night-time feed when Rowan was a baby. That wasn't good for me, or her probably. With Piper we started giving her a bottle of breast milk at 2 weeks old....and now, at least 2 or 3 times a week, either Joe or my mom has been doing a middle-of-the-night feeding, so I can string together 4 or 5 hours of sleep. That has been wonderful!

I can do anything, really, if I'm well-rested.

Piper is an amazing nurser. Rowan was this way, too. Piper nurses so quickly that I'm often questioning whether she has gotten enough (she has: yesterday she weighed 10 lbs, 8 oz!). It's a combination of my milk production and her sucking ability....but I'm not exaggerating that it takes her about 5-8 minutes to nurse. Usually just on one breast and she's good to go. I always offer the second, but most of the time she's already full. I've been pumping in the middle of the night when my mom or Joe has her....and I can get 5 ounces in less than 3 minutes. Talk about milk! Joe says we need to sell it on Craigslist.

This quick nursing is a real blessing in most ways--less time to have to negotiate a baby on the breast and all the other needs around me...easy to quick nurse if we are out and about, and not have to miss much, nice to have shorter wake times in the middle of the night. But sometimes I wish she would nurse longer...like when she is fussy, and it would be nice to have quiet for 20 minutes! Like her big sister was, Piper is not interested in nursing for comfort or to fall asleep...she will only take the breast if she is hungry. She's all business.

So it's 3:00 PM, I'm still in my pjs (even though they are damp with breast milk), I haven't brushed my hair or put my contacts in...and it seems like half of the days are this way. I have to plot out when I will get food in me, plan ahead to take a shower, and just in general use time very wisely if I want to get a load of laundry done or accomplish any other seemingly mundane, daily task. Hence the lack of blog posts the last week or so.

As my sister-in-law Stacia said the other day: my hands are always busy, even if my brain is not.

That's something I have to figure out as the weeks wear on. While I am doing this all-important work of caring for little children, and while I really enjoy most of it, I crave some creative or intellectual outlet, too. It's weird that I can feel bored when there is so much going on. I'm constantly holding someone, making someone food (or nursing), changing diapers, walking, patting, shushing, picking up....the tasks don't really end, and yet this nagging sense of boredom arises.

I'll have to figure out how to carve time into the week that engages me as an adult, a creative person, and as someone who has skills other than mothering.

Important for my daughters to see me interacting with the world, too. I want them to grow into strong, confident, capable women....so they need to see me being those things!

To see a few more photos, click here.